Don’t Drink and Shoot, Especially in a Bar

30 May

“We’re all living in a world of morons. How you choose to deal with those morons is how you determine whether or not in life you end up being happy or miserable.”

Apparently William S. Burroughs (1914 – 1997) is the witty moron who came up with this memorable quote. I spent five hundred years asking Google fifty million different ways if he is the dude who said it, and then Yahoo told me straight away … so apparently more morons operate Google than the cowboy search engine. Idiots.

That’s besides the point. I wanted to know more about this Wheelbarrow dude. I learned that he was an iconic American writer who was a major influence on the counter-cultural movement. Awesome. I like him already. And that he was a serious junkie most of his life, although he lived to be 83. How the hell do some people shoot up their entire lives and live longer than the Pope? So he cheated death as well.

His wife did not. He shot her. I know, what the fuck? As the story goes, they were playing a game of William Tell in a Mexican bar and he accidentally shot her. Well, guns tend to do that kind of shit, Mr Burroughs. Especially when operated by drunk morons. This tragedy understandably coloured his life and his writings, which were dark and satirical. I like that part, not playing with live ammunition when you’re pissed so much. What was he doing, trying to shoot an apple off her head? A lemon? An empty bottle of tequila? The worm inside the bottle of tequila? Whatever he was aiming at, he hit the wrong target. Epic fail.

A fucking tequila fish? Where is the worm?

He managed to flee Mexico for the States and so didn’t end up being some large Mexican dude’s bitch inside a cell made for a midget Mexican. Burroughs was bi-sexual, however, and one of his many counter-cultural books was aptly titled Queer (two other well-known titles were Naked Lunch, which he doesn’t really recall writing because he was so high, and … Junkie). Kudos to the drunken bar shooter for being one of the first people to use the term queer as a positive term. A big fuck-you to homophobia. No surprise, critiques of homophobia feature a lot in his books. By the way, the Malawian president ‘pardoned’ the two gay dudes who staged an engagement ceremony the other day. That should help gay rights in Africa a bit. Take queer back, you flaming Africans. The Brits took cunt back long ago.

And so we have it, William Burroughs wrote a lot, had some chemical issues, was a poor aim, inspired Will & Grace (I have no idea, but his name is in there somewhere) and has left us with a fantastic quote that now appears at the top of this post.

Namaste, morons.

PS If you want to play with something this week, play with yourself, with someone else if they are kind enough to let you, but not with live ammo. Especially not in a bar. Even if you don’t like her that much.

2 Responses to “Don’t Drink and Shoot, Especially in a Bar”

  1. Annah May 31, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    So he was a bi-sexual and he shot his wife by “accident”? Coincidence? I think not! lol

    • dalai moron May 31, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

      “Accident” may have been his legal defense. Either way, that was some bad-ass behaviour, unless people randomly shoot each other accidentally on purpose in Mexican bars all the time.

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