I know, it’s been a while. And no, I have not eloped with my llama nor have I been arrested for public indecency. Surprising, I know. I’ve been around. Mostly working my ass off day and night. And also doing a bit of personal mourning. My imaginary llama is still alive and frisky. But the very real-life dog who chewed my library book to shreds because she was possibly a bit bored and I had the foresight to leave the Stephen King novel in easy reach, died tragically last Friday.
I was gutted. Not even my imaginary llama has been able to console me. Fuck. Life has a mean tendency to throw up potholes of senseless torment every once in a while that can level a person and make one feel helplessly human.
Thankfully there have been a few things to distract me from my miserable state of mind. Like that fucking idiot with fantastic mutton chops who thinks it would give God a thrill and Muslims heartburn if he publicly burnt a qur’an or two to show the world how silly Islam is and maybe provoke a few more fundamentalists to fly planes into tall buildings. Yes, Pastor, I’m sure that after strolling around on a lake and then turning it into a big pool of wine, Jesus would come along and pat you on the back for such a commendable Christian act of …. dear sweet mother of god, this world can only produce some first-class dipshits. Including the media who give them the attention their twisted minds crave.
And then I’ve also let my spam folder fill up just for the hell of it. Apparently, I have a very real problem getting my dick up. And some guy called Phil has some legit viagra to resell to me. Resell? You mean some mate of Hugh Hefner bought the boner pills from you and they didn’t work, so now you’re going to flog them off to me for a killer price? Marvellous.
And I really have to know what the fuck “branded help to your erection” means. Are you going to hold me down and press a flaming bit of metal against my apparently impotent member to jump-start the limp pecker? Bloody marvellous. That should do the trick.
So if you’re in the market for a bit of dick enhancement or have the need but not the capacity to ejaculate like a porn star (WTF?) do head off to a reputable website called groanseal or fudoctor because you will not be ripped off and neither will your genitals fall off. Well, that could be a possible side-effect, but that’s the chance we all take for 85% discount vouchers delivered directly to our spam folder.
Namaste, morons. You may not be able to avoid the potholes, but find something to make you laugh and reaffirm the sheer wonder and never-ending stream of human stupidity. It may help you get back on the road again.